another day

Lord,

Thank you for bringing me up with another day.

I do apologize that I have been unable to thank you for everything. You gave me the breath and air I breathe yet I haven't been able to write to you in praise for any of it.

Thank you Jesus for all that you have done. Thank you.

Love,

anita

Valentine's day 2010

Jesus,

Long ago 3-day weekends meant so much to me; now that I'm unemployed and no longer to school, it's just another day. I take it back, I am a student at Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and have lots of serious catching up to do before the practices for the Easter musical begin next Sunday. :o

(the next day)

Thank you Jesus for giving me so many friends to experience this wonderful thing called life with. We went to the annual pillow fight in Justin Herman Plaza and had a BLAST! I got to get to know some friends a bit better and found that we had more in common than previously thought. We also got to delight in some awesome Thai food.

adjusting to changes

Lord,

Thank you for keeping me going. This is in no way easy today. My county counselor met with me today and got to speak with Mom. He told me that I have an amazing amount of patience and reminded me that she's from a different land and a different time. He could also tell that she is trying her best to help me out.

Lord oh Lord, please help me with the patience. Between these symptoms, the meds, the false accusations, and whatever else there is... my patience is growing thin and I don't want to hurt the woman who loves me and is trying her best.

Thank you in advance my Lord, my God, my Savior,

Love,
Anita

sleepy, sleepy, sleepy

Lord,

I know being sleepy is nowhere close to the receiving stripes on your back; but, what would be the equivalent of accidentally taking some dangerous meds several hours too early? I'll start adding appointments to my smartphone to remind me when to take these meds that should be helping me out.

I've lost my place. Please take care of me Lord for tonight and my doctor's appointment in the morning.

Thank you Jesus.

reaching out

Lord,

After a very fruitful hanging out with my friends out in Berkeley yesterday they've hammered in some sense in my head. WRITE TO THE PASTOR. Not just any pastor, the head pastor. They say what I'm going through isn't something that I should be going through alone especially in my condition. At least when I had cancer Ryan was there. Now I'm unemployed, homeless, extra handicap, no Ryan, and I'm working uber hard with the county to get medical care and a roof over my head.

Jesus I like finding comfort with you and from my few entries in tihs blog... I now have documentation to remind me that you can and have helped.

Right now, I will try the suggestion of my Christian friends.


Thanks:

Lord,

Thank you for getting me through the barely prepared speech and although I didn't win, I also need to know that I was going against with years of experience more than me and that the purposes of her speech are a bit more difficult than mine. I believe she was supposed to have 4 more minutes than me and a Q&A session.

I've survived and will have 3 more speeches to give if I want to participate in the International speech competition on March 18th at the walmart.com office in Brisbane. "IF."

Like those quotes there. I am saying "IF" all depending on the status of my health. I know that you know where I am in that regard and that I am trying for the life of me to get this handled the only ways I know how. #1 pray to YOU for help and #2 getting the doctors and pharmaceuticals to take care of me.

Thank you for getting what seemed impossible to happen for me. I really appreciate it.

I love you,

Anita

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Prayer:

Please watch over me Lord.

Love,

Anita

getting the message

i'd like to think that i am getting the message. i mean, i have it on my heart to do what i can to assist with Haiti or Africa. Then genius struck and reason kicked in... why would i head out to Haiti to assist the sick and homeless when I myself are homeless and handicap. *i'm goofy."

meds, unemployment, and time to cry

Jesus,

I don't really know why I'm crying. You've done so much for me. From getting a Vet to pull some strings getting me medical coverage, medical coverage quickly, a department searching for a home for me, Boo, and mom... why am I crying? I know why I'm hurting it's because I miss Ry. I miss his company so much and the only time I've been able to spend with him was only in groups. The closest I get to him is by a few feet when we're in the choir. If he's feeling friendly, he might just pass by me and hold my hands real quick as he leaves the choir loft after the worship team is done.

Today I was asked what I'd do if he were in a coma. That question had me ballin'. I hated that question but I know that I would not, for the life of me, want to leave his side. I take it this IS LOVE. I'm not able to let him go. He asked me that great question years ago and I took it like THE question. The 7 habits of highly effective people does not take into account... Genuine love. Dependent, independent to interdependent does not apply to real life love. Am I going to fall in love again?

I know I'm not being very formal in my speech but I want to be real. Geez, I don't even like my voice-mail message. I guess it's nice to have a professional sounding voice. I guess this is where the acting and public speaking experience will come in handy, hopefully.

Jesus, I don't really remember when the last time is that I cried this hard or this long. I guess it's supposed to be healthy. You tell me? I do know that I am seriously hurting and need you by me.

Love lots,

annilou

showered with overabundance

Jesus,

i know this is a prayer blog where you'd expect me to ask for things and that won't change as i cannot do anything without YOU. i will take a detour to thank you for the wonderful things you've done for me Lord. albeit through an uncomfortable and unexpected route, you've shown your love and you've done it in a multi-tasking fashion, showing a Vietnam Vet that he can still serve a purpose. The look of excitement in his eyes as he drilled me with walking exercise could light up the whole town.

Prayer:

Lord,

Please assist me with my speech tonight that I haven't prepared yet.

Thank you, LALAB!

~anita

need support

Jesus,

I am following my pastor's suggestions to keep my prayers simple and to the point with lots of detailed requests so that I will know without a doubt that it was YOU who answered the prayer. I don't believe I am worthy of the gifts you have given to me let alone the gifts you will give to me. I feel funny asking you for more but according to the bible you won't leave me hanging, I know that you will take care of it when the time is right if this gift was meant for me.

Is it too much to request a medical cure or miracle? I love what you've done with making me more approachable; however, with all the other trials / tests I've gone through can we please make this current stage not last too long? I miss taking Mandaboo for walks and being able to get out of bed or up from the toilet on my own.

Thank you Lord, please help me with patience and making things quick and to the point as well; and, if you don't mind, can you please make sure that my thumb drive works in the morning so I can get my DB together to acquire your AMP bible to place on my phone?

Again, THANK YOU!

I love you.

Anita

** 40 minutes later - Thank you Jesus for acting so quickly with that thumb drive bit. Now that, that's out of the way, can you please help me with my joints on my knees, elbows, and hip? I'm sorry for not including that earlier but as you already know, I have gaps in my memory and just came across these owies as I tried to get into bed. Thank you so much Jesus.


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Now playing: Phil Collins - You Can't Hurry Love
via FoxyTunes

what next?

Lord Our Father,

Thank you for everything you have done for me, laid out for me, and will be doing for me in the future. I know that you have everything planned with the best of intentions in mind; however, most likely because I'm human, I am curious as to how this mess I'm currently living in can help me or others in the long run.

I do like how you've brought me back to the church, great job with waiting for several years before trying to bring me back again. It was a nice touch and quite a feat from the view of an earthly child. You got the man I love and myself to stop going to the clubs that we enjoyed dancing to 3-4 times a week. You are great in all your ways and that definitely includes your creativity.

I am sorry for all my trespasses, the ones I knew of yet still committed. Please help me with apologies to those that I've harmed. I do admit, that's part of the reason to take Toastmasters and practice. I believe that the stress behind an apology would equate to the stress of public speaking for some others, I think.

Lord, thank you for spending time with me and for touching my heart during worship. Do you think you can tone down the waterworks while I'm worshiping in choir? All the tears and sniffling make it hard for me to sing for you.

Thank you God,

Love,

Anita