meds, unemployment, and time to cry

Jesus,

I don't really know why I'm crying. You've done so much for me. From getting a Vet to pull some strings getting me medical coverage, medical coverage quickly, a department searching for a home for me, Boo, and mom... why am I crying? I know why I'm hurting it's because I miss Ry. I miss his company so much and the only time I've been able to spend with him was only in groups. The closest I get to him is by a few feet when we're in the choir. If he's feeling friendly, he might just pass by me and hold my hands real quick as he leaves the choir loft after the worship team is done.

Today I was asked what I'd do if he were in a coma. That question had me ballin'. I hated that question but I know that I would not, for the life of me, want to leave his side. I take it this IS LOVE. I'm not able to let him go. He asked me that great question years ago and I took it like THE question. The 7 habits of highly effective people does not take into account... Genuine love. Dependent, independent to interdependent does not apply to real life love. Am I going to fall in love again?

I know I'm not being very formal in my speech but I want to be real. Geez, I don't even like my voice-mail message. I guess it's nice to have a professional sounding voice. I guess this is where the acting and public speaking experience will come in handy, hopefully.

Jesus, I don't really remember when the last time is that I cried this hard or this long. I guess it's supposed to be healthy. You tell me? I do know that I am seriously hurting and need you by me.

Love lots,

annilou